On the (Rest of the) Net.

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Five times Madonna sucked the life-force out of young ingenues. [Maxim]

And the sexual politics of that kiss. [Role Reboot]

I wrote about the connection between Crossroads and Grey’s Anatomy. [Bitch Flicks]

Mad Men‘s best literary references. [Vulture]

A bitch is an opinionated woman who’s not especially beautiful while doing it. [Daily Life]

Providing women with safety tips is a moot point because women are attacked everywhere under all circumstances. [Bullshit Blog]

How the way we speak about Hillary Clinton may influence her presidential bid. [Think Progress]

Here are some practical ways to address the epidemic of violence against women in Australia instead of perpetuating the “monster myth”. [Birdee, White Ribbon]

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What the “Eat, Sleep, Rape, Repeat” tshirt can teach us about rape culture at music festivals. [Vice]

Janelle Monae is not for male consumption. [Gradient Lair]

Wishing rape on a rapist further perpetuates rape culture. [Daily Life]

“Men, Stop Being Dicks About Condoms.” [Spook Magazine]

“In Defence of the Selfie.” [Spook Magazine]

Have you ever noticed that ubiquitous rom com scene in which the female protagonist wonders out loud whether she “had sex” with the male love interest while drunk? Honey, if you have to ask, it’s rape. [Shakesville]

How celebrities sharing their abortion stories may change the way we think about and legislate reproductive rights. [Flavorwire]

Images via Watchcloud, Jezebel.

On the (Rest of the) Net.

greys anatomy you are the sun

Following on from last season’s “lean in” motif, this season on Grey’s Anatomy it’s all about its women taking time for themselves, whether that’s personal or professional. [Bitch Flicks]

Personal space is a feminist issue. [Sociological Images]

Loving football (and, indeed, wrestling) doesn’t make you a bad feminist. [Kill Your Darlings]

How will you know when you’ve made it? For me I think it will be when I’ve been published a) on Daily Life and b) in the American market; headhunted for something; verified on Twitter; and when those I admire in the same industry see me as a peer. How will you know? [The Hairpin]

And Rachel Hills ponders what it means to have made it, and ways to pass the time while you’re waiting to. [Musings of an Inappropriate Woman]

Young, single and successful women are increasingly living alone in affluent cities. [Daily Life]

In defence of Amber Rose:

“Amber Rose is hot. Amber Rose is also a mom. Amber Rose was also a wife. And if T.I. can be a convicted felon who’s rapped about sex, guns, and drugs and still be ‘father knows best’ on The Family Hustle once a week, why is a sexy woman suddenly an unfit mother just because she posts photos in her lingerie? If you don’t like what you think she represents, make sure you’re just as vocal about these less-than-angelic men raising children while bragging about one-night stands and trappin’. If they’re just entertaining and expressing themselves, then so is she. If they’re just living up to an image and a brand, then so is she.” [The Daily Beast]

And while we’re at it, in defence of Rihanna. [Buzzfeed]

Can World Wrestling Entertainment #GiveDivasaChance to be in the main event of WrestleMania 32? [Between the Ropes]

It wasn’t Jackie’s responsibility to get the details of her rape correct; it was Rolling Stone‘s. [The Guardian]

Stop calling women crazy. [Birdee]

ICYMI: the ties that bind us in menstruation and do you ever feel like you’re trapped behind a screen?

If these links haven’t sated your appetite for feminist goodness, the 83rd Down Under Feminists Carnival has arrived featuring much more from Australia and New Zealand. [Opinions @ BlueBec]

Image via Tumblr.

On the (Rest of the) Net.

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Saved by the bell hooks.

Rushing University of Virginia frats and sororities in the wake of the Rolling Stone expose. [Jezebel]

The problem with Humans of New York. [Warscapes]

Why Katy Perry was the perfect choice to play this years’ Superbowl halftime show. [Slate]

My second roundup of links for feminaust.

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I wrote about body image on Total Divas. [Bitch Flicks]

Australia is a nation of bystanders when it comes to the plights of asylum seekers. [Junkee]

Why we need an obituary for Australia’s—and, on a larger scale, the world’s—sexist publishing industry. [Daily Life]

I helped compile this list of past Lifted Brow interns when I was an intern there myself last year.

The third-wave feminism of Pitch Perfect. [Bitch Flicks]

Kendall Jenner is the future of fashion, whether we like it or not. [TheVine]

Australia’s immigration department has denied serial intimate partner abuser and boxer Floyd “Money” Mayweather a visa to enter the country. [Herald Sun]

To Kill a Mockingbird still matters because #BlackLivesMatter. [Daily Dot]

On the (Rest of the) Net

I wrote about your heroes letting you down. [TheVine]

I’m going to be contributing a link roundup for feminaust on the first Monday of every month and guess what? My first edition went live this week. Much of it is links I’ve already posted here over the past week, but head on over and check it—and feminaust—out anyway.

ICYMI: If these links didn’t sate you enough, I’ve posted the best of Aussie and Kiwi online feminism in December for the 80th Down Under Feminists Carnival.

How to be alone as a woman:

“To be alone is to be eccentric. To be alone and a girl is to be nuts.” [Spook Magazine]

How to find a feminist partner. [WaPo]

Is Kanye West this generation’s John Lennon? [Junkee]

How can women “act their age” in Hollywood when Hollywood won’t let them? [Junkee]

We need to change the language surrounding sexual assault prevention. [Daily Life]

2014 was the year that TV changed… for the better. [Junkee]

Elle magazine asked male celebs the questions women get asked on the red carpet: “It feels invasive.”

Make fun of The Nanny all you want, but it was actually pretty progressive television for its time. [TheVine]

The rise of the viral public marriage proposal. [Buzzfeed]

The difference between flight attendants and stewardesses, or, why you shouldn’t call modern-day flight attendants stewardesses. [Flight Club]

How the costuming in Selma helps illustrate the dawning of the civil rights movement. [The Root]

Ed Sheeran is a NiceGuyTM. [Pitchfork]

The Lebanese-American porn star getting death threats for performing in a hijab. [Salon]

On the (Rest of the) Net.

A women in refrigerators supercut.

What relevance should a sex workers’ occupation have to her sexual assault? Nothing, but unfortunately it’s everything. [Daily Life]

Dzenana Vucic follows my train of thought about the public outrage against Jennifer Lawrence’s violation of privacy VS. previous nude celebrity leaks. [Junkee]

The second- VS. third-wave feminism of Marge and Lisa Simpson. [Bitch Magazine]

Janet Mock on Beyoncé and her feminist awakening. [Janet Mock]

Why is a woman’s decision to undergo sterilisation to continue having a child-free life met with skepticism and derision? [Daily Life]

The cognitive dissonance of Joan Rivers’ life and death. [Buzzfeed]

In the wake of Ray Rice’s dumping from the NFL and the Baltimore Ravens for beating his then-fiance, a refresher course on all the famous men we’ve forgiven for their abuse because they do stuff we like. [Dame Magazine]

“You made me hit you in the face. Now everyone is going to know.” (*trigger warning*) [Guernica]

The trajectory of calling women bitches. [Vice]

Kim Kardashian has figured out a way to make bank for doing “women’s work”. [Brooklyn Magazine]

TMZ: pioneers of social justice in sport? [Slate]

The Brittany Murphy Story and the rise of the celebsploitation movie. [Daily Dot]

On Schrodinger’s Rapist.

I have a stalker.

I write that partly in jest, but I do have someone that has expressed an unwanted interest in me of late, despite no indications from me that I would be remotely interested in this person apart from being cordial when he asked me a work-related question, that could potentially turn into full blown stalking.

When I relayed this to a male friend, offhandedly saying that if I go raped in the near future he would be the most likely culprit, he initially expressed MRA-levels of outrage.

“It’s a bit unfair to automatically assume that this seemingly nice guy who probably just has a crush on you could be a rapist,” he offered.

This is not the first time I’ve received a similar response when bemoaning the unwanted male attention thrown my—and many other women’s—way.

“But what if a guy thinks you’re cute and just wants to come up and say hi and ask you out for a coffee?” one male friend asked.

There have been a few instances where that has happened, and when I’ve said thanks but no thanks, they’ve accepted that and let me go on my merry way. But we have to ask why men feel entitled to women’s bodies and time as they’re going about their business with no indication that they’re interested in being interrupted so some NiceGuy™ can air his feelings to you in the first place. Why is women’s privacy and right to be left alone less important than men’s? Patriarchal conditioning would be my best guess: boys and men are taught that they’re the gatekeepers of not only women’s bodies, but women’s happiness, too. Go out and get it/provide it, essentially.

Back to my friend who questioned my use of the stalker moniker. I agree that it is unfair to assume he’s going to rape me, but at some point, deep down, most women have to assume that all men are going to—or at the very least, can—rape them. Enter Schrodinger’s Rapist.

I’ve written about the fact that for the most part I personally don’t let fear prevent me from going out at night and, if it comes down to it, I won’t be afraid to tell my stalker where to go. But I also avoid certain areas where I know harassment is rife. Again, deep down, I know there’s always a chance I can be taken by surprise when my guard’s down because women can be harassed and raped and treated as second class citizens at any time or place.

And not only are women never truly physically safe, they’re not ideologically safe. Thankfully I’ve never been in the position to have to report a sexual assault to the police or take a sexual harassment claim further than nipping it in the bud in the first instance, but if I was, I’d surely be blamed for inciting it; abused all over again, as it were. I’m not trying to insinuate that my friend is a bad person for automatically jumping to my stalker’s defence, but even the fact that he didn’t believe my descriptions of his stalkerish ways illustrates that it takes a bit of convincing for a woman to have her claims believed.

As the husband of murdered Melbourne woman Jill Meagher, Tom Meagher, wrote for the White Ribbon blog, the myth of the rapist being a monster hiding in the bushes, as Meagher’s rapist and murderer Adrian Bayley was, blinds us to the fact that many rapes are carried out by people known to the victim. Partners, family members, friends, colleagues. So my deduction that my stalker could certainly become my rapist is not that far of a reach.

Related: The Harassed & the Harassed-Nots.

Sexual Assault, Moral Panic & Jill Meagher.

Walking While Female.

To Live & Die in Brunswick: Reflections on Jill Meagher.

On Stalking.

Elsewhere: [TheVine] Feeling Like a Stalker.

[Shapely Prose] Schrödinger’s Rapist: Or A Guy’s Guide to Approaching Strange Women Without Being Maced.

[White Ribbon] The Danger of the Monster Myth.

Walking While Female.

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There’s been a hell of a lot of assaults on women at night in Melbourne making the news lately. Acquaintances I’ve spoken to in passing about the news ask why is such a deluge of assaults happening now? I would argue that they’ve been happening pretty frequently since the beginning of time but they’re only just making the news, more so since the brutal rape and murder of Melbourne woman by way of Ireland, Jill Meagher.

One Facebook status a friend sent me a screenshot of, which I found particularly ignorant, asked why women insist on walking at night in Melbourne. Um, because we’re human beings?! The status came from someone who lives in a small town where everyone has cars and it takes ten minutes to get everywhere. When my friend pointed out the implausibility of the status in the comments, she got the reply that if women must walk at night, to do so in groups.

As a person from said small town who doesn’t have a car and who now lives in the city, I can tell you that suggestions like these are just not viable. Taxis to get from one side of town to the other can cost you hundreds of dollars. Not everyone lives close to public transport and most likely have to walk to and from train stations and bus and tram stops. This is not to mention people who can’t afford taxis and public transport, people who use wheelchairs or other mobility assistance apparatuses (apparati?), the elderly, the homeless, etc.

None of my friends live in my area so it’s not like we can organise a buddy system of pick ups and drop offs. Melbourne is not a town where everyone congregates in one park or on one stretch of shopping mall; many people don’t walk for fun, but for necessity.

Some other helpful hints to protect young women are as follows: don’t walk your dog before or after work (it’s almost the dead of winter in Melbourne and daylight only exists from 8am to 5pm, the hours many people are away from their pets at work); if you must walk in the dark, make sure you have a dog with you; and don’t wear headphones when walking alone. These suggestions are, again, completely out of touch. Most pet-owners have to walk their animals; not everyone has a pet; and while I can acknowledge the argument against loud headphones limiting their use in this tech-obsessed society is pointless. And many women use headphones as armour regardless of whether they’re listening to anything through them. Sometimes I’ll have headphones on on public transport to avoid being spoken to by entitled men who must know what you’re reading or to remain alert in uncertain situations unbeknownst to others. (Someone recriminated me for not being alert whilst wearing headphones because they honked at me on the street but I “didn’t hear them”. Anyone who’s walked whilst also being a woman knows responding to honks on the street is “asking for trouble”, as so many people are wont to accuse us of.)

In the furor surrounding Jill Meagher’s murder and the seemingly random Brunswick and Yarravile attacks, as well as the attack on a schoolgirl in Glenferrie, we’re forgetting that people we know, trust or even live with are the most dangerous to us. Remember in the past few months the influx of intimate partner murders reported in the news?

Because men have perpetrated all of these attacks, maybe we should be telling men who match the description of said assailants to limit their nocturnal movements outside of their homes lest they attack an unassuming woman just going about her daily business. Now wouldn’t that be a controversial idea.

Related: Sexual Assault, Moral Panic & Jill Meagher.