Slut-Shaming as Defence Mechanism.

A good male friend of mine has recently started dating someone new.

When I asked him how it was going, he said fine, blah blah blah, but that one thing she said really offended him. I was intrigued, so I asked him to tell me more. She must have been looking through his Facebook photos, and came across several in which we’re tagged together. She confronted him about it, saying, “Who’s that Scarlett girl, huh? She looks like a bit of a skank.” He proceeded to set her straight and defend my honour.

Upon going through the photos we’re tagged in myself, I have to say she made a fair call! They’re mostly from costume parties where my skank switch is on full throttle.

But, more than that, it is not uncommon for me to be called names like this. I’m not going to deny it, because if SlutWalk taught me anything, it’s that denying you’re a slut means that you’re acknowledging that other women are. What is a slut/skank, anyway?

But I know why she called me that: she’s jealous. Instead of asking nicely who I was and why my friend looked so chummy with me in the photos she saw, she was threatened by our relationship, so in lieu of admitting this, she questioned the relationship by insinuating that he shouldn’t be hanging around with someone (who seemed) so skanky.

I don’t begrudge her for this; I kind of think it’s funny and a bit sad. In this day and age, people are going to have to start accepting that men and women can be platonic friends. This is why I wrote on my online dating profile that if a man wants to date me, they have to be comfortable with the other men in my life. Especially since my new roommate come Saturday is one of my closest (male) friends.

What to you think? Have you ever experienced this kind of jealousy from another woman, manifesting itself as slut-shaming?

Related: ’Tis the Season…

Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break My Slutty Stride.

SlutWalk.

13 thoughts on “Slut-Shaming as Defence Mechanism.

  1. I think we all do it. We all judge people. But most of us do it inside our own heads and don’t even acknowledge it. I have made a point of being hyper-aware of it and acknowledging it and try my best to find the opposite of whatever it is I’ve thought in whoever it was I thought it about. I think because I have been a victim of this that I do make an effort to try not be a part of it. I’ve so often had the names thrown at me face-to-face. I try not to begrudge people for throwing up their defences when faced with things they may not want to deal with.
    P.S. I am actually starting to come around to the realisation that men and women can’t actually be close friends without one being somewhat attracted to the other; be it physically, mentally, emotionally etc. There it is. Finally acknowledged it!

  2. I disagree. But of course, the reason you’re friends with someone, no matter their gender, is because you’re attracted to some part of them; in my case, it’s personality.
    And I’m as guilty of slut-shaming (and fat-shaming https://earlybirdcatchestheworm.wordpress.com/2011/05/23/im-a-fat-shamer/) as the next person, but I think the difference is, you and I acknowledge why we’ve jumped to that conclusion (jealousy, dislike, being threatened etc.), whereas others are happy to go on supporting the status quo: women who look and dress and act and think and whatever a certain way are deemed sluts.

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