From “It’s Not Your Fault You’re a Mean Girl” by Hugo Schwyzer on Jezebel:
“… ‘Maybe this is just how women are with each other’… This is something we hear over and over again from young (and not so young) women: the assumption that a propensity for jealousy, judgment, and ‘drama’ is part of being female… Cattiness comes with the ovaries.
“(Of course, men can be bitter about other men’s good fortune. It was Gore Vidal who famously remarked that ‘whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.’ Then again, Vidal is also famously gay—and gay men are both expected and permitted to have ‘womanly’ emotions. Straight guys are expected to be rivals in sport, but loyal ‘bros’ off the field.)”
I’m so sick of this “boys will be boys” and “girls are made from sugar and spice” (but struggle to be nice to one another) bullshit!
The other day, when the subject of a guy I used to date (funnily enough, the one who started the whole “rating” of female colleagues thing, which I wrote about in the original “Boys Will Be Boys…” musings) came up with one of my gay friends, I told him one of the myriad of reasons I’m not a fan of him is because he doesn’t really have a personality. He’s more of a robot-like Ken doll.
My friend replied, “But he’s a guy.”
I was horrified that he would liken all men to having the personalities of sea anemones. All my male friends have fantastic personalities, and I am offended on their behalf. I listed some of them, including my gay friend.
He replied, “Yeah, but I’m gay.”
This is not the first time I’ve been met with the “(straight) boys will be boys” analogy.
When I complained to some mutual friends that my male housemate didn’t assemble the blender properly and the next time I went to use it my smoothie leaked all over the floor, they replied, “Yeah, but he’s a guy.”
So, straight men are boring, no-personality morons who can’t pick up a vacuum or dry a dish, gay men are flamboyant almost-women who only care about looks, and women are just there to field these dichotomies. Not to mention that in this analogy, gender and sexuality are basically the same thing, and that gay and straight men are worlds apart, as with gay and straight women, and that gays are closer to their opposite gender than they are to their own.
Also in Schwyzer’s post, I noticed somewhat of a reference to the oft-repeated “girl code/guy code” in Jersey Shore. That even though at least one of the guidettes hates another one of the guidettes at any given point in time, they still honour “girl code” over the “code” between people they actually like. That women should stick with women no matter what, and vice versa.
I’m all for sisters sticking together in the interests of feminism and what not, but I think valuing personality traits, similar interests, morals, and goddamn gumption is more important than gender segregation. What year are we in again?