When Girl-Hate Turns Into Obsession.

I think a little bit of competition between women is healthy. My default emotion when I meet new people is wariness. I gradually begin to like people as I get to know them.

The same is true of the first impression I make. I’m kinda shy, which comes off as cold and bitchy, and I’m very territorial. No after work drinks with my friendship group til I learn whether you can be trusted. I’m not a likeable person to begin with and, some would argue, at all.

It is those that I’d like to focus on here.

A few weeks ago I had to take one of my co-workers to Human Resources for harassment and bullying. I haven’t gotten along with this person from day one, when she returned from some leave, during which time I’d become employed at our workplace. Never before had my department had such a youthful, outgoing and eclectic bunch of new recruits, so when she returned, I think it was quite a culture shock. She was the alpha female when she left and, not to toot my own horn (but toot toot!), when she came back I was the alpha female.

Within a week she’d been complicit in a major fight between myself and a fellow co-worker/friend, whom I now don’t speak to. Granted, it was no big loss, but I realise now that I should have reported her then and there for bullying.

Two years have passed and it’s been an awkward working environment to say the least, but we’ve both/all (I’m not the only one she’s had a run-in with) managed to deal with it.

After another leave of absence, this person came back to work with what seemed like a vendetta against me. Prior to the few weeks she was away, our working relationship had become somewhat pleasant, surprisingly.

As soon as she saw me, she made some jibe about a co-worker’s party I went to that weekend, followed by some comments to a friend of mine about said co-worker and our (purely platonic, though I do think he’s cute!) relationship.

This was followed by some more bitchy comments to other co-workers about my birthday celebrations, about the way I dress, and about my reputation in the workplace, amongst other things. She even swerved towards me in the carpark!

At this point I took her to H.R., and was told there was nothing they could do because it was all “hearsay”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’d say the threat of grievous bodily harm with a vehicle is a little more than hearsay!

She’s backed way off since then, but when one drama ends, another begins.

I’ve been struggling with just about everything lately. Work, love life, money, family, friends. You name it. So the last thing I need is people talking shit about me. But hey, I’m Scarlett, and people love to hate me! More on why I think this is a bit later.

My work Christmas party is coming up in less than a week, and if you were a reader of this blog a year ago, you will know that the event is an absolute extravaganza! The theme is heroes and villains and I’m going as Eve, with the aforementioned object of the rumour mill as Adam. (Yeah, I’m probably asking for it with that one, aren’t I?!) Upon hearing about this on the grapevine (some people are more guilty of tending to the vine than others), a female colleague who now works in a different department called me attention seeking.

I’ll pay that: I will be the first to admit that I am an attention seeker. I’m a writer with a blog; attention seeking goes with the territory. And when it comes to costumes, I’ll go all out in an effort to have the baddest ass costume in the joint.

My problem is with the blatant jealousy in these comments.

If you think I’m attention seeking and you want to realign the spotlight back on you, strive for an even more out there costume than mine.

If you think I dress like a slut, how is that any concern of yours? So what if I do? If you wanna dress like a slut, too, go right ahead. I don’t have the monopoly on sluttiness.

If you think I’m “all over” someone, try to peel me away and you yourself can be all over them if that’s what you really want. If it’s not, then why worry?

Honestly, I actually feel sorry for these women who have nothing better to do than bitch about me. Worry about your own lives and less about mine. You must really not have much going on (one of these women is a mother, for crying out loud! You’d think she would have better things to do.) if I’m all you’ve got to talk about. Get a life!

But I believe the reason people, nay women, have such a problem with me is because, as the divine miss Catherine Deveny puts it, “I don’t lay down in the chalk outline drawn for me.” Sure, she was talking about body image, but I think as a woman who refuses to comply with outdated “socially acceptable” norms, it is particularly fitting.

Perhaps people would like me better if I were more agreeable, demure and didn’t voice my opinions. If I strived less for achievement in the areas that are important to me, and more in the areas others’ think are important. If I was less threatening by being more concerned with what people think of me. But then I wouldn’t be me. Oh, sorry, that’s what they want!

Related: Breaking Up is Hard to Do.

Slut-Shaming as a Defence Mechanism.

Elsewhere: [MamaMia] I Love My Body. Catherine Deveny: I’m 80kg & Still Happy.

4 thoughts on “When Girl-Hate Turns Into Obsession.

  1. Pingback: On the (Rest of the) Net. « The Early Bird Catches the Worm

  2. Wow. I’m so so sorry that you’ve been reliving high school drama. That shit is cray-cray.
    I definitely see the logic in not trusting people until they’ve proved their virtue because what if they turned out to be a raging lunatic, but what if they turned out to be completely awesome? I like to think of people as innocent until proven asshole, but that’s just me.

  3. In my experience most people are proven asshole, so I guess I’ve been burnt, as the above story will attest. Protecting myself by not letting anyone in is what earns me my “ice queen” moniker. There’re worse things to be called, I suppose…

  4. Pingback: 12 Posts of Christmas: Slut-Shaming as Defence Mechanism. « The Early Bird Catches the Worm

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