My Semester In High School: A Satirical, Undercover Feature by Josie Gellar.


I was given an assignment to go back to high school and find out about kids today. What I ended up finding was that the teachers at South Glen South High School who are entrusted to protect and teach the next generation have done anything but, as I observed when I attended there as a student for the summer semester of 1999 in an undercover assignment.
Senior students steal cars, wear bikini tops and fraternise with teachers outside of school hours. In my time at South Glen South High School, during which the administration were so short sighted and irresponsible as to allow two adults—myself and my 23-year-old brother Rob, who seems simultaneously much older and supremely immature to enrol—I observed and regretfully participated in the exploitation of minors.
This corruption is embedded into the governing culture of the school, with members of the faculty sexually targeting me. Although I am in actuality a 25-year-old woman, English teacher Sam Coulson was under the impression that I was a senior and actively pursued me romantically both within and outside of the halls of South Glen South High School with that knowledge. I hereby call for his immediate termination from teaching, an independent investigation into whether Coulson has victimised other students in this way, and an overhaul of not just the safety of this school’s students, but that of all students across the city, state and even the country.
My aforementioned brother, Rob Gellar, was also complicit in the sexual endangerment of another female student, with which I am still reckoning and for which I’m not sure I will be able to forgive him. That he knowingly pursued a 16-year-old girl and is now coaching the baseball team of her school should be grounds for instant dismissal and inclusion on the sex offenders registry.

Similarly, Sam Coulson is now fleeing the state after having preyed on who he thought was his student. I hope this article provides local, state and federal law enforcement with the information they need to prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law.

I lived a lifetime of regrets after my first high school experience. And now, after my second, my regrets are down to one: sitting idly by as the students of South Glen South High School were put at risk. No more.
So I propose this: Sam Coulson, if you are willing to own up to what you did and turn yourself in, I will be waiting on the pitcher’s mound for five minutes at the state baseball championship for the conclusion to my first real reporting assignment—your arrest and subsequent charging with an improper relationship with a student.

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