Movies: The Expendables 2 — Enough with the Old Men, Let’s Get Some Women Up in Here!

Sitting through The Expendables 2 last week, with plastic surgery-ravaged male faces, gory death scenes and laugh-out-loud (not in a good way), face-palming dialogue, it got me thinking about a recent rumour that there might be a female Expendables-esque movie coming to a screen near you.

While some of the names thrown around—Tia Carrere, Lucy Lawless—are a bit lacklustre, allow me to suggest a few actresses. And seeing as this is essentially a “fantasy football” Expenda-belles exercise, I’m going to be as bold as I can. Feel free to add yours in the comments.

  • Angelina Jolie.
  • The Charlie’s Angels girls: Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and especially Lucy Lui.
  • Uma Thurman.
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar.
  • Pamela Anderson.
  • Kate Beckinsale.
  • Milla Jovovich.
  • Vivica A. Fox.
  • The ladies of Charmed, but Shannen Doherty and Rose McGowan in particular.
  • Michelle Rodriguez.
  • Neve Campbell.
  • Linda Hamilton.
  • And, of course, the Holy Grail of female action stars: Sigourney Weaver.

Now, some of these actresses have transcended being associated with a potential film franchise that originally started out as a vehicle for Sylvester Stallone, written by Sylvester Stallone (Angelina, anyone?). But having said that, I think a lot of them would be up for it. Linda Hamilton has guest starred on Chuck as the titular character’s mother, so she knows how to capitalise on her action heroine status, and Sigourney Weaver made what could be seen as the cameo of the year in Cabin in the Woods, so I wouldn’t rule her out, either. Then there are others—Doherty, McGowan, Anderson, Campbell—who don’t seem to have much else going on in their careers at the moment, so I think they’d be shoo-ins.

My housemate and I were talking about an Expenda-belles effort recently, and he brought up that there would have to be a villain to rival Jean Claude Van Damme’s in the most recent instalment, and a love interest. He came up with everybody’s favourite love-to-hate movie star, Sharon Stone, as the villain, and the non-threatening, token love interest in films such as Miss Congeniality, Benjamin Bratt. If you include Halle Berry, this film is pretty much turning into Catwoman! Well, at least it’ll be better than the original…

Related: The Expendables Review.

Cabin in the Woods Review.

Image via Expendables Premiere.

Who is Stacy Keibler?

You might have seen the blonde Glamazon on the arm of notorious bachelor George Clooney at the premiere for his movie The Descendants a couple of weeks ago. They even spent Thanksgiving together.

But who exactly is this tall, blonde and beautiful woman?

Stacy Keibler has been in such TV shows as Punk’d, Chuck and US Dancing with the Stars, and in movies like Big Momma’s House 2. Before she got together with Clooney, Keibler was in a long-term relationship with Geoff Stults of 7th Heaven fame, who also caught the eye of Jennifer Aniston at one time.

But Keibler’s biggest claim to fame was as a WCW Nitro Girl and WWE Diva. For those not familiar with the acronyms WCW and WWE, they stand for (the now defunct) World Championship Wrestling and World Wrestling Entertainment, respectively. That’s right, Stacy Keibler was a wrestler…

Well, more of a piece of eye-candy than a wrestler, per se, who strutted around in short shorts and mini skirts, using her 42” legs to her advantage in Thanksgiving gravy bowl matches, lingerie matches and Santa’s Little Helper matches. Hey, no one ever said professional wrestling was feminist!

She spent seven years in the biz (as they call it in, erm, the biz!), at one point even studying full-time, appearing weekly across the country as a Nitro Girl and cheerleading for the Baltimore Ravens, all at the tender age of 20! Keibler acted as a valet for wrestling Superstars such as The Dudley Boyz, Test (the ring name of the late Andrew Martin), Scott Steiner, Randy Orton and Rosey & the Hurricane. Despite her athleticism, Keibler never won a major wrestling title.

And she’s not just all about the glitz and glamour; Keibler has been involved in charities as part of the WWE, including SmackDown! Your Vote, a campaign to mobilise unregistered voters in the U.S., Make-a-Wish Foundation, as well as UNICEF and the Celebrity Soccer Challenge outside of the ring.

Whilst she has now moved on to bigger and better things (you can’t get much bigger and better than George Clooney, amiright?), she will always be known as the “legs” of professional wrestling.

Images via The Hollywood Gossip, Inside SoCal, YouTube.

Movies: Blondes Have More Fun—And They’re Magical!—In Tangled.

 

The premise of the latest Disney princess effort—a retelling of the story of Rapunzel—is that the damsel in distress is locked away in her tower so that mean baddies won’t be able to find her and steal her supernatural healing powers.

The clincher is that if she cuts her long hair, it turns brown and loses its magical properties. A blatant favouritism of blondes over brunettes if ever there was one!

Granted, the brunette Disney princess has seen somewhat of a resurgence in recent years, with the first African American princess, Tiana, in The Princess & the Frog, Mulan, Esmeralda of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pocahontas, Jasmine from Aladdin, Beauty & the Beast’s Belle, and even the flame haired Little Mermaid. Perhaps the blonde haired heroines (okay, I wouldn’t exactly class Cinderella and Aurora as “heroines” per se, but Rapunzel certainly kicked some but in Tangled) wanted a shot at the multi-dimensional princess crown.

Other than that, I really enjoyed Tangled. I usually find Mandy Moore supremely annoying, her voice especially, but I could barely tell it was her throughout the movie. Chuck’s Zachary Levi was great as the misunderstood Flynn Rider/Eugene Fitzherbert. Unfortunately, I missed the first ten minutes or so due to a delicious brunch and Saturday morning traffic on Chapel Street, however it was fairly easy to pick back-story up at the tear jerking pinnacle.