Movies: The Expendables 2 — Enough with the Old Men, Let’s Get Some Women Up in Here!

Sitting through The Expendables 2 last week, with plastic surgery-ravaged male faces, gory death scenes and laugh-out-loud (not in a good way), face-palming dialogue, it got me thinking about a recent rumour that there might be a female Expendables-esque movie coming to a screen near you.

While some of the names thrown around—Tia Carrere, Lucy Lawless—are a bit lacklustre, allow me to suggest a few actresses. And seeing as this is essentially a “fantasy football” Expenda-belles exercise, I’m going to be as bold as I can. Feel free to add yours in the comments.

  • Angelina Jolie.
  • The Charlie’s Angels girls: Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and especially Lucy Lui.
  • Uma Thurman.
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar.
  • Pamela Anderson.
  • Kate Beckinsale.
  • Milla Jovovich.
  • Vivica A. Fox.
  • The ladies of Charmed, but Shannen Doherty and Rose McGowan in particular.
  • Michelle Rodriguez.
  • Neve Campbell.
  • Linda Hamilton.
  • And, of course, the Holy Grail of female action stars: Sigourney Weaver.

Now, some of these actresses have transcended being associated with a potential film franchise that originally started out as a vehicle for Sylvester Stallone, written by Sylvester Stallone (Angelina, anyone?). But having said that, I think a lot of them would be up for it. Linda Hamilton has guest starred on Chuck as the titular character’s mother, so she knows how to capitalise on her action heroine status, and Sigourney Weaver made what could be seen as the cameo of the year in Cabin in the Woods, so I wouldn’t rule her out, either. Then there are others—Doherty, McGowan, Anderson, Campbell—who don’t seem to have much else going on in their careers at the moment, so I think they’d be shoo-ins.

My housemate and I were talking about an Expenda-belles effort recently, and he brought up that there would have to be a villain to rival Jean Claude Van Damme’s in the most recent instalment, and a love interest. He came up with everybody’s favourite love-to-hate movie star, Sharon Stone, as the villain, and the non-threatening, token love interest in films such as Miss Congeniality, Benjamin Bratt. If you include Halle Berry, this film is pretty much turning into Catwoman! Well, at least it’ll be better than the original…

Related: The Expendables Review.

Cabin in the Woods Review.

Image via Expendables Premiere.

Movies: Generation Y, Fame & Technology According to Scream 4.

 

Jill: “See, with you the world just heard about what happened but with us, they’re gonna see it. It’s going to be a worldwide sensation. I mean, people have gotta see this shit! It’s not like anyone reads anymore. We’re gonna know fame like you never even dreamed of… I told so many lies I actually started to believe them. I really think that I was born for this… Do you know what it was like growing up in this family; related to you? I mean, all I ever heard was ‘Sidney this’ and ‘Sidney that’. And ‘Sidney, Sidney, Sidney’. You were always just so fucking special! Well, now I’m the special one… What the media really loves, baby, is a sole survivor. Just ask you know who.”

Sidney: “[You killed] even your friends?”

Jill: “My friends?! What world are you living in?! I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it?! This has never been about killing you. It’s about becoming you. I mean, for fuck’s sake, my own mother had to die… so I could stay true to the original. It’s sick, right? Well sick is the new sane. You had your fifteen minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college, grad school, work?! Look around; we all live in public now, we’re all on the internet. How do you think people become famous anymore? You don’t have to achieve anything. You’ve just gotta have fucked up shit happen to you.”

The meta madness that is Scream 4 really delves into the fame obsession Generation Y has, as well as the importance of technology: Billy Loomis was a suspect in the first Scream because he had a cell phone; now, as Jill said, everyone’s on the internet and anyone could be getting up to “fucked up shit”. Just ask that guy from The Collectors or that Melbourne couple on the run.

The movie also plays on living up to the standard of famous older relatives: Jill Roberts (meta!) to Neve Campbell’s Sidney could be seen as a reflection of Emma Roberts growing up with Julia as an aunty, or Rory Culkin forever living in the shadow of big brother Macaulay.

Related: Scream 4 Review.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Feminism!

Image via IMDb.